U.S. Geological Survey Terminates Search for Fiscal Cliff

In the wake of the federal budget battle of 2012, the U.S. Geological Survey commissioned an extensive search for the so-called “fiscal cliff”. After a six-year, $10 million effort, the agency formally ended the quest, officially acknowledging it found no evidence of the existence of the geological formation. The fiscal cliff isn’t real  “No way […]

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The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with Senator Bernie Sanders

Accompanying Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders on his nursing home rally tour, The Lucky Rock sat down with the Democratic Socialist to talk about a wide range of issues. Topics covered included his 2020 campaign strategy, his fitness for office, fellow presidential candidates, and income inequality. Noteworthy during the exclusive one-on-one conversation was the fact that […]

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Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook

President Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]

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Interest Rates and the Economy: Real Yields Have Curves

Can the yield curve predict the future of the economy? The short answer to the title question is yes. The long answer ends with a resounding maybe. If economics were simple, Ben Stein wouldn’t be a nerd’s paragon of mathematical virtue, a former game show host and this guy: The yield curve is a representation of interest […]

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Seattle’s New NHL Team to Be Named ‘Sneeze’

When Seattle’s new NHL team hits the ice in 2021, it will have perhaps the most unusual name in professional sports. In lieu of rumored favorites like Totems, Emeralds, Rainiers, Sockeys, or Kraken, the franchise will go an entirely different direction. “We’re picking a name that we feel represents the region — warts and all,” […]

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Bernie Sanders Enters Presidential Race, Mulls Betty White as VP

On Tuesday, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders announced he was entering the race for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. A day later, Sanders revealed his campaign strategy, one that will take a sharp turn from his failed 2016 approach. Instead of concentrating on college students and penniless left-wing activists, Sanders will target a new demographic: the […]

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Taco Bell Closes 16 Locations; Trump Declares National Emergency

After learning that Taco Bell closed sixteen locations in four states, President Trump acted swiftly, declaring his second national emergency in three days. The president further disclosed that thousands of troops were on the ground in Texas, Missouri, Oklahoma and Kansas to restore order. The new national emergency “It’s a disgrace,” said Trump to a […]

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‘The Shawshank Redemption’ to Reboot as Late-Night Religious Programming

Good news: instead of saving Andy Dufresne, Red Redding will save your soul. In an interview with U.S. Catholic, director Frank Darabont confirmed that The Shawshank Redemption will be rebooted as late-night religious programming. “After a quarter century, it’s about time we did something new with the franchise,” he said. “Initially, we thought about doing a sequel, but […]

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Mozambique and Swaziland Battle Over Whose Flag Is Stupider

Simmering tensions erupted into full-blown arguments over the weekend as Mozambique’s President Filipe Nyusi characterized Swaziland’s flag as “stupid”, multiple sources reported. Sporadic bickering and finger-pointing on both sides threatened to escalate as tensions continue to mount. “Un-effing believable,” said Lisa Peterson, the American ambassador to Swaziland, surveying the scene in disbelief. “Why are they arguing […]

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The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with President Trump

Traveling to El Paso, Texas for a campaign rally, President Trump granted an interview with The Lucky Rock on a wide range of subjects, including his recent physical, the growing list of 2020 Democratic challengers, climate change, the standoff over the border wall and the Russia investigation. Noteworthy in the exclusive one-on-one interview was Trump’s growing irritation […]

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