In 1697, semi-unknown playwright/poet William Congreve penned a semi-unknown play entitled The Mourning Bride which managed to produce two very well known sayings: “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned”, as well as “Music has charms to soothe the savage breast”, colloquially (and less interestingly) misinterpreted as “beast”.
Incidentally and as an aside, Mr. “I-could-have-been-Shakespeare-but-he-wrote-more-in-a-week-than-I-wrote-in-my-entire-career” also coined one additional everyday saying: “kiss and tell”. Clearly the man had emotional problems.
Disney takes the misinterpreted 300 year-old quote to heart in 1994’s The Lion King, which features snappy, savage creatures coexisting in antiseptic, blood-free balance. The center of the cartoon Serengeti is located at Pride Rock which, despite the inference, has virtually nothing to do with animal alternative lifestyle music. Music certainly is at the heart of the movie, with good and bad critters alike grabbing air microphones (as well as zebra femurs) to belt out toe-tappin’ tunes.
The 3-D re-release of the animated classic reminds us of several obvious things: 3-D movies are annoying, hyenas are inherently evil, Nazi mimicry is politically acceptable in a Disney movie, Matthew Broderick sounds like he’s 16 years old in everything he’s ever been in, and nobody has a cooler voice than Darth Vader. Less obvious, but far more significant within the context of everyday life, are the parables the movie teaches us about today’s world. With that said, the following are five examples of how the world parallels The Lion King.
British animals sing as well as British people
The diminutive island may have horrible food and a 132-year old queen, but there’s no doubt they’ve spawned a terrific array of rock bands over the decades. With Mufasa’s brother Scar, Disney invents an entirely new subspecies of lion: the British lion. His awesome, show-stopping number Be Prepared can be seen here. It’s a cool song, and for what it’s worth, he belts it out with energy and evil enthusiasm. Gotta love the mindless stares of the hyenas.
Animal sequels suck as much as human sequels
On IMDB, The Lion King earned a lofty 8.3 composite user rating. At Rotten Tomatoes, a stellar 89% critical acclaim. The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride received a tepid 5.9 at IMDB, and while it was never fully vetted at Rotten Tomatoes, adjectives such as “boring”, “dumb” and “indulgent” were bantered about. Take heed, William Shatner: after Star Trek IV, both your hairpiece and waistline got proportionally bigger as the sequels became more insipid.
Drug abuse is rampant in the animal kingdom
Hakuna Matata sounds more than a little bit like Cannabis sativa (the scientific name for marijuana). With Simba, Pumba and Timon singing, dancing and rolling around in blissful carefree nirvana here, it’s pretty clear why they have the munchies for some grub. Slimy, yet satisfying.
Humans aren’t the only species with twisted senses of humor
Remember the uproar the late Michael Jackson caused when he dangled his nine-month old baby over the hotel railing in front of a writhing, paparazzi-laden crowd? So how does that differ from Rafiki hoisting baby Simba high overhead at the edge of a dangerous precipice while a seething mass of jungle animals mates and attacks one another on the prairie floor below?
Speaking of which, why would the entire ecosystem, all of whom represent prey, blithely put themselves striking distance of the lions? What is this, the Disney Death March? Twisted.
Millennial lions are entitled jerks
Young Simba: Hey Uncle Scar, guess what?
Scar: I despise guessing games.
Young Simba: I’m gonna be king of Pride Rock.
Scar: Oh, goody.
Young Simba: My dad just showed me the whole kingdom. And I’m gonna rule it all.
Scar: Well, forgive me for not leaping for joy. Bad back, you know.
Young Simba: Hey Uncle Scar, when I’m king, what will that make you?
Scar: A monkey’s uncle.
Young Scar: You’re so weird.
Scar: You have no idea.
Pass the Hakuna Matata, baby.
