During the relative infancy of television, The Andy Griffith Show ran for eight pointless seasons (1960 – 1968). Played by Francis Bavier, Aunt Bee was the de facto wife and mother within the Taylor family, sternly making Sheriff Taylor’s (Andy Griffith) lunch with one hand while correctively backhanding Opie (Ron Howard) with the other.
Within the formal white gloves, grandmotherly frock and extra large beige panty girdle beat not only the pulse of a servant, but the heart of the sexiest woman in television history. If the image above doesn’t convince you, consider the following evidence.
Aunt Bee took charge
Now watching "Bargain Day". #TheAndyGriffithShow
"Aunt Bee, call the man!" – #Andy pic.twitter.com/KtmYYlKkfm
— TheAndyGriffithShow (@AndyGriffithShw) January 23, 2019
Decisiveness is sexy. Up at the crack of dawn, Aunt Bee bustled furiously around the house and had no patience for the likes of Andy, Opie, Gomer, Goober or the rest of the hayseeds on the show. As a result, she was quick with the sharp, hurtful rejoinders. To send a message that she meant business, she slaughtered the farm animals they ate for dinner with her bare hands. Slowly. She enjoyed it.
Bee didn’t mess around. More importantly, you’d best not mess with her. She was Inanna incarnate.
She was whip smart — for Mayberry R.F.D.
Granted, the show was set in the deep, deep South, where they used words like “ain’t”, “shucks”, “y’all” and “huzzy”, so lower your expectations. Nevertheless, this exchange was illustrative of her (relative) intellectual superiority:
Aunt Bee: Did you like the white beans you had for supper?
Andy: Uh huh.
Aunt Bee: Well, you didn’t say anything.
Andy: Well, I ate four bowls. If that ain’t a tribute to white beans, I don’t know what is.
Aunt Bee: Well …
Andy: Eating speaks louder than words.
Aunt Bee: You know, your education was worth every penny of it.
Aunt Bee was like Jack McCoy from Law & Order, inexorably closing the trap on her hapless opponent before foreclosing on them with a devastating one-liner.
She was a free spirit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRMPlDcrYRk
In early television history, women weren’t allowed to venture more than 50 feet away from the kitchen. Except Aunt Bee, that is. Toward the end of the series, she popped hormone pills like Mike & Ike’s and ran for office in episode #200, opened a Chinese restaurant in episode #209, and took flying lessons in season eight.
She failed at every single one of them, and yet still had the intestinal fortitude to kick Andy in the groin or punch Goober in the neck if the situation called for it. She may have looked like a wallflower, but she was anything but that.
Aunt Bee proved there’s nothing quite as sexy as a reckless, free spirit. Just ask Bernie Madoff’s hookers.
She was the original Matron Mama Morton
Close your eyes and picture this: Aunt Bee smiling beatifically, Bible in hand. Now imagine her tossing the Bible aside, the smile curving fetchingly, with the grandmotherly attire magically transforming into a low-cut gold bustier, fishnet stockings, black stilettos and ruby-red sequined scarves. Need a cold shower?
It’s not as far-fetched as you might think. Fast forward about half a century and Bee could have been Queen Latifah’s Matron Mama Morton in Chicago, a burlesque entertainer who gave an entire room reasons for a cold shower. Rumor has it “Bee” was short for B cup.
What woman wouldn’t want to be like Matron Mama Morton? Confident, sexy and dominating. Today, Bee might have her own reality show: To Bee Or Not to Bee. Or if the producers preferred a title with a little more spice: Pimp My Bee.
Aunt Bee: T.V.’s sexiest woman
Even today, women with access to T.V. Land secretly idolize The Andy Griffith Show’s Aunt Bee. Next time you’re channel surfing, pay close attention to her severe expression, pompadour hairstyle, cheap costume jewelry and high-neck frock. Then transpose her name into the following lines from Chicago — drums pounding and hot jazz blazing — and you’ll get a sense of the real woman behind the schoolmarm:
If you want my gravy
Fezzle my Ragu
Spice it up for Bee-ee
She’ll get hot for you
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Love this post on so many levels! It gives an in-depth analysis about why Aunt Bee was such a well-developed character on the show!
Thanks Anshula!