Traveling to El Paso, Texas for a campaign rally, President Trump granted an interview with The Lucky Rock on a wide range of subjects, including his recent physical, the growing list of 2020 Democratic challengers, climate change, the standoff over the border wall and the Russia investigation. Noteworthy in the exclusive one-on-one interview was Trump’s growing irritation over what he perceived to be “fake news” generated by the mainstream media. As with CNN, NBC, and other popular outlets, The Lucky Rock did not escape the president’s ire.
The following is a transcript of The Lucky Rock’s interview with the president. Adult language has been redacted.
The Lucky Rock is fake news
The Mainstream Media has NEVER been more dishonest than it is now. NBC and MSNBC are going Crazy. They report stories, purposely, the exact opposite of the facts. They are truly the Opposition Party working with the Dems. May even be worse than Fake News CNN, if that is possible!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 10, 2019
TLR: Good morning, Mr. President, thank you for …
Trump: You are fake news!
TLR (clears throat): Ahem. I suppose that’s fair, Mr. President. We are a satirical website, similar in many ways to The Onion. Do you like The Onion, Sir?
Trump: I don’t like onions, I’ve never liked onions. Too spicy for Trump.
Trump’s physical
TLR: Yes. Anyway, we appreciate you allowing us to interview you today. How are you feeling? We saw that Dr. Sean P. Conley issued a written memorandum certifying you to be in good health following your recent physical. Unlike Dr. Ronny Jackson last year, however, he did not suggest you could live to be 200 years old.
WH Physician: Trump “in very good health… will remain so for the duration of his Presidency, and beyond.” pic.twitter.com/iudGrh8LdF
— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) February 8, 2019
Trump: Dr. Conley is a very, very fine doctor, that I can tell you. Very well respected. If I had known he wouldn’t promise I would live to be 200 years old, I would never have picked him as my personal physician. Wouldn’t have done it.
TLR: Isn’t that basically what you said about Jeff Sessions?
Trump (icy stare): Go to hell.
TLR. Oookay then, let’s move on. Can we discuss the growing list of Democrats that have announced they will be running for president in 2020?
Democratic contenders
Trump: Losers, Socialists, haters, and just plain ugly, every single one of them. Too ugly for Trump, that I can tell you.
TLR: Are you worried about Elizabeth Warren? Today, she …
Trump: I call her Pocahontas, did you know that? Sometimes I refer to her as Pocahontas.
Today Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to by me as Pocahontas, joined the race for President. Will she run as our first Native American presidential candidate, or has she decided that after 32 years, this is not playing so well anymore? See you on the campaign TRAIL, Liz!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 9, 2019
TLR: Yes, I’m well aware of that, Sir. As you know, she announced today that she was running for president. What’s your take on the latest imbroglio over her heritage?
Trump (blank expression):
TLR: Sir?
Trump (blank expression):
TLR (trying again): Can you comment about her latest Native American scandal?
Trump: She’s a disgrace. People are saying she fooled around with crazy Bernie and wrote “American Indian” instead of “American Indianan” on a form back in the 80s, or something like that. People are telling me that, lots of people are saying that. A total disgrace.
TLR: Sir, that’s from one of our satirical articles. You know, fake news?
Trump: The Democrats know they have no chance of winning the election. No chance at all. Did you see the poll that said I have 100% support of the American people? You can’t do much better than that. Everyone loves Trump!
TLR: That’s another one of our articles. Fake news again.
Climate change
Trump (appearing frustrated): What about my secret plan to win over “Dr. Low I.Q.” Jill Stein’s dope-smoking followers by solving global warming. Can you believe that 90 degrees is just 32 degrees in metric? That’s freezing! What’s it called again, Celiac?
TLR: Celsius. Fake news, Sir.
Trump: I’d have to wear a coat when Melania and leave the White House for a quick trip to Jack in the Box. I like their Classic Buttery Jack.
TLR: There are no Jack in the Box locations within 500 miles of the White House. Every single word you just said is a lie.
Trump (blank expression):
TLR: Let’s talk about securing the southern border.
The wall
Trump: The Democrats know that only a wall or steel barrier stops your drugs and your crime and your criminal MSNBC from pouring into our country and raping our women and our dogs. We have no choice, we must have a powerful wall. We simply have no choice.
TLR: MSNBC?
Trump: Fake news!
TLR: Sir, Speaker Pelosi has vowed that Democrats won’t appropriate more than $2 toward the wall. Are you going to declare a state of emergency and re-purpose military resources toward building a border wall?
Trump (long pause): Are we off the record?
TLR: Well … we’re not not off the record.
Trump (looking relieved): Look, Nancy Pelosi is kicking my ass here, that I can tell you. I call her “Nancy”. Nancy won’t negotiate and I can’t declare a state of emergency because Putin said not to. So we’re going to ask our great, great hay farmers to truck bales of hay to the southern border and pile them up good and high. We’ll have a great, powerful hay barrier. The best.
TLR: Whatever. Speaking of Vladimir Putin …
The Mueller investigation
Trump:
WITCH HUNT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 27, 2019
TLR: The Mueller investigation has netted 199 criminal charges …
WITCH HUNT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 13, 2018
TLR: … 37 indictments or guilty pleas, and four prison sentences. Do you still consider the subject to be …
Trump:
FAKE NEWS – THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
TLR: Thank you very much, Mr. President.
