Good news: instead of saving Andy Dufresne, Red Redding will save your soul.
In an interview with U.S. Catholic, director Frank Darabont confirmed that The Shawshank Redemption will be rebooted as late-night religious programming. “After a quarter century, it’s about time we did something new with the franchise,” he said. “Initially, we thought about doing a sequel, but the ending of the original was so damn perfect that there was no way we could top it. So it sat on the shelf.”
Darabont shifted in his chair. “Years later, when Obama was running for president, we were in serious talks about licensing the rights to use the title as a campaign slogan. It rolls off the tongue — ‘Obama, the Shawshank Redemption’. But there was that whole prison thing, which isn’t exactly an appropriate image for a presidential candidate, so it didn’t happen.” He smiled broadly. “Until now.”
‘The Shawshank Redemption’ and symbolism
Darabont asserted that the religious symbolism found throughout the movie makes for a natural segue into late-night Christian programming. “Andy Dufresne’s story arc is an allegory of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus,” said Darabont. “And Morgan Freeman was God in Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty. Darabont pulled out a photo of Freeman, dressed entirely in white. “Doesn’t he make a cool God?”
Darabont dismissed the notion that the bleak prison setting, violent themes and rampant cursing disqualify the movie for a religious television reboot. “You have to look at the bigger picture,” he said. “Think of Brooks, Tommy, Heywood and Andy’s other twisted friends as criminal Apostles. Red is God, Andy is Jesus and Warden Norton is obviously the devil.” He stuffed fries into his mouth, then added, “In the end, Jesus and God win and the devil loses. Game, set, match, just like in the Bible.”
The show’s format will be eclectic
According to Darabont, Morgan Freeman will deliver fire-and-brimstone sermons. “Morgan’s going to be a real asshole minister,” he laughed. “Robbins, on the other hand, will heal the sick and cry a lot. We need both approaches, because idiots respond differently depending on how drunk they are,” said Darabont. “We’re also going to have William Sadler (Heywood), Clancy Brown (Captain Hadley), Gil Bellows (Tommy) and Bob Gunton (Wardon Norton) doing skits and singing in tongues.”
Darabont likened the show to a religious Saturday Night Live. “We’ll have weekly guest hosts, mostly diseased sinners like Paris Hilton and Charlie Sheen,” he indicated. “Morgan will shame them, Tim will try to heal them and the rest of the cast will pray for their souls.” He paused, considering the possibilities. “We plan to have a Weekend Update-style segment with Gill Bellows and Bob Gunton tossing scripture back and forth, rapid-fire.” He grinned, adding,”Won’t that be riveting?”
The late-night time slot
Planning to air the show in the wee hours of the morning is a calculated decision. “Think about it,” said Darabont. “Most religious shows air on Sunday or early in the morning, but are you really sinning at 6 a.m. or just before you turn on the football game?” He chuckled, answering his own question. “No! You’re a disgusting heathens at night, drinking too much, bringing some skank home, things like that.”
Darabont explained further, “That’s why we’ll be on at 2 a.m. The bars just closed, you’ll have somehow made it home, head spinning from too many shots of whiskey and your pillow smeared with the skank’s makeup. You’ll turn on the T.V. and bam! There’s Morgan, shouting at you to repent your sins.”
Follow us on Facebook!
Will it work?
Can The Shawshank Redemption work as a late-night T.V. show? “Why not?” shot back Darabont. If Apollo 13 can be remade as a musical comedy, we can return as middle-of-the-night religious programming, God willing.
Noting the skeptical look on Massey’s face, he said, “Hey, it’s better than a test pattern.”
Follow us on Facebook!
I can’t believe this. Is this real?
No, it’s satire. Thanks for reading.