Shortly after the entrance of Joe Biden into the 2020 presidential race, President Trump wasted no time welcoming him into the fray: Welcome to the race Sleepy Joe. I only hope you have the intelligence, long in doubt, to wage a successful primary campaign. It will be nasty – you will be dealing with people […]
Read More Trump Mocks ‘Stupidhead Joe’ Biden at Campaign RallyChattanooga police officers rushed to the scene after multiple 911 calls reported a dog urinating on school grounds, the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported on Monday. “We were in lockdown for over an hour,” said Jacob Johnson, an 11th grader at Chattanooga High School. “It was really scary. We clasped hands and just prayed for a […]
Read More Dog Arrested for Public Urination on School GroundsOn Saturday, a fiery President Trump spoke at a rally in Birmingham, Alabama, basking in the glow of a cheering crowd. “No collusion, no obstruction!” Trump bellowed as the audience roared their approval. “The crazy Mueller report was a witch hunt, folks. An illegal witch hunt started by Hillary Clinton, Jeff Sessions, Mitt Romney, John […]
Read More Trump Maintains He Said ‘I’m Glucked’ in Incendiary Mueller Report QuoteIf the authors of an article published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society turn out to be correct, George H.W. Bush’s signature “thousand points of light” slogan from 1989 was only about nine zeroes off the mark. Except it’s not stars we’re talking about — it’s exoplanets. The solar system Until the 17th […]
Read More Exoplanets: A Quadrillion Points of LightIn a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]
Read More Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ ReportWe all make predictions that don’t come true. You stick your head out the window, note the cloud cover, and loudly announce it’s going to rain. A couple of hours later, the sun burns through, and voilà — it’s a sunny day. You’re not alone. Former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan erroneously postulated in 2009 that […]
Read More I’m the Only Man in America Who Predicted the Mariners Would Be GoodThe kindest thing that can be said about the demonic Pillsbury Doughboy is that he’s shown remarkable staying power. Created by the Leo Burnett Worldwide advertising agency in 1965, the Pillsbury Doughboy remains virtually unchanged up to this day. In fact, the only major difference is his evolution from uttering post-poke giggles to a mocking […]
Read More 5 Good Reasons to Absolutely Hate the Pillsbury Doughboy
