Chattanooga police officers rushed to the scene after multiple 911 calls reported a dog urinating on school grounds, the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported on Monday.
“We were in lockdown for over an hour,” said Jacob Johnson, an 11th grader at Chattanooga High School. “It was really scary. We clasped hands and just prayed for a miracle. Praise Jesus, He sent one in the form of the police.”
Early timeline of events
According to eyewitnesses, classes were in session at approximately ten o’clock in the morning when a three-year-old male beagle named Biscuit strayed onto campus. After sniffing around, knocking over a trash can and chasing butterflies, the dog trotted toward the football field. At about 10:07, he laid down on the grass and appeared to close his eyes.
“Several of us were watching through God’s window,” explained Emma Harris, also in 11th grade. “The beast invaded God’s campus and tried to murder God’s precious bugs. When he laid down, we thought maybe we were lucky, that perhaps he had been taken to Heaven.” She shuddered, then continued, “But things quickly got much worse.”
The dog relieved himself
Biscuit snapped to attention about ten minutes into his nap, barking loudly at a flock of birds flying overhead. After the birds disappeared from sight, he wandered to the south end zone and urinated on the goalposts.
“It was completely uncalled for,” remarked Gabriel Harrison, a fullback for the Central Pounders, the school’s football team. “Doing that, in full view of anyone looking out the window at the time.” He adjusted his baseball cap, almost as if he were trying to erase the memory. “It was disgusting.”
Harrison said that he and others pulled out their cell phones and called 911 to report the incident. Within minutes, the police arrived.
Tasers were considered
Four squad cars arrived just after 10:30, with officers taking positions at vulnerable points of entry. Informed that the suspect was still on the football field, a dozen officers rushed to the scene. Soon afterward, the dog was surrounded.
“We deployed ‘Bone Flank Maneuver Three’ while we secured the perimeter,” explained Sergeant Noah Frawley, a five-year veteran. “Biscuit ceased his vile behavior and began chewing on the bone while we assessed the situation. Ultimately, we decided tasers were unnecessary and took him into custody.”
Biscuit receives a citation
Biscuit was ushered to the Chattanooga police station and cited for public urination without a permit. After arriving home, he initially declined answering reporters’ questions, but changed his mind and gave his side of the story:
Biscuit’s owners, Jeb and Mary Allen, translated their dog’s comments:
Look, I was just having a little fun when the cops showed up. I didn’t catch any stupid butterflies and as for public urination, hey, I’m a dog. You show me a restroom that says ‘dog’ on the door and we’ll talk about making “better choices”. Because I’m a dog, I don’t really have other options, do I?
Biscuit called for the law to be changed to allow him to use whatever restroom he believes best suits him at the time. Asked to respond to the proposal, Chattanooga Mayor Andy Berke said “huh?” before indicating he had something better to do and closing his office door.
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