Dem Debate, Night 2: Candidates Give Each Other Trump-Like Nicknames

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Night two of the Democratic debates started cordially, but deteriorated quickly as the candidates began shouting insults at one another. Ultimately, they handed the GOP a political gift by snarkily giving each other Trump-style nicknames.

“I have to say, it was beyond surreal,” said NBC Nightly News anchor Lester Holt. “The spell President Trump has cast upon the Republican party has clearly swept over the Democrats.” Holt smiled and added, “Although I have to admit, some of them were pretty damn funny.”

The name calling started within the first ten minutes, just after Holt asked a question about climate change. “That’s a pretty crappy attitude, ‘Governor Hickenpooper‘,” snapped California senator Kamala Harris, emphasizing the last two syllables. “You’re one to talk, ‘Cameltoe’,” shot back Hickenlooper. The crowd roared with laughter and erupted in wild applause, effectively egging the candidates on.

“No, we didn’t plan that in advance,” said Hickenlooper, dismissing reports that the two were trying to grab the early debate momentum. “I’ve been hearing ‘Hickenpooper’ all my life, so it really doesn’t bother me.” He smiled and added, “I’ll bet she’s checking for wardrobe malfunctions after my little zinger.”

Other candidates jumped into the fray

A few minutes later, it was Vice President Joe Biden and Mayor Pete Buttigieg who took each other to task. Following Biden’s answer about universal health care, Buttigieg quipped, “Octogenarians are pretty addled, aren’t they, ‘Stupidhead Joe’?” Biden paused, flashed his signature grin, and replied, “I’ve forgotten more about health care than you’ll ever know, ‘Pete Blows’.”

Even New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand couldn’t resist getting into the act, calling Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders “Senator Statler” multiple times, referring to the geriatric Muppets character.

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Presidential Candidatea Bernie Sanders (right) and Joe Biden (left) strap in for a post-debate drive. Credit: Joschi71 (https://creativecommons.org)

Momentarily nonplussed, Sanders shook his fist and shouted, “We need a revolution!” before shrinking into the background, effectively neutered.

Most of the other candidates couldn’t escape the crossfire, with repeated snarky references to ‘Andrew Wang’, ‘Senator Gilligan’ and ‘Senator Swallow Well’. Only entrepreneur Marianne Williamson and Senator Michael Bennett avoided being pejoratively nicknamed. “Frankly, nobody cared about those potted plants,” explained Biden deputy campaign manager Kate Bedingfield. “My dog has better name recognition than those two.”

Todd, Maddow and Diaz-Balart go at it

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MSNBC host Rachel Maddow thinks of one more zinger she wished she’d have directed toward Chuck Todd. Credit: Paul Schultz [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org)
Even the debate moderators couldn’t escape the food fight. Following yet another technical glitch, Telemundo host Jose Diaz-Balart blamed Meet the Press host Chuck Todd, claiming ‘Chuck Fraud’ had lost control of the situation. Todd fired back, saying “If you’re Jose, I hope to hell there’s no ‘Hose B'” and turned back to the teleprompter.

Attempting to defuse the visible tension, MSNBC top-rated host Rachel Maddow cracked, “Look, you’re both frauds, okay?” Clearly annoyed, Todd snapped, “Are you gaining weight, ‘Mad Cow’?”

President Trump was delighted

After witnessing the melee between the Democratic candidates on national television. President Trump could hardly contain himself. “Those are great, great nicknames,” he said, “but mine are even better. I call them ‘Sleepy Joe’, ‘Crazy Bernie’, ‘Paleface Pete’, ‘Illegal Alien Andrew’, ‘Krazy Kamala’, ‘Krazy Kirsten’, ‘Smarmy Swallwell’, and ‘Hickenstupid’. The president held up one finger and proclaimed, “No collusion, no obstruction!”

Asked about nicknames for candidates Bennett and Williamson, Trump replied, “I don’t know them, I’ve never met them. Neither one of them is my type.”

Social media lights up

Following the two-hour NBC/Telemundo debate, the nickname fracas almost crashed the internet.

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