Per a published opinion paper, the American Vegan Society now considers frog a vegetable and a ‘green’ protein source. The dramatic policy shift affirms the millions of vegans nationwide now consuming the eco-friendly amphibian.
The 32-page paper studied the dietary benefits of eating frog while balancing the ethical implications. A key excerpt came to the conclusion that frogs are ‘breathing vegetables’ in justifying the decision.
From Sleeping Beauty to Pepe the Frog, our culture has long anthropomorphized frogs. However, the lethargic amphibian is unlikely to turn into a handsome prince or lead a white nationalist march. A better comparison is to Brussells sprouts, as between hibernation and sitting motionless, frogs are simply not animals. One could reasonably conclude they are merely breathing vegetables.
In summary, frogs are perhaps the only green source of protein available to vegans. The American Vegan Society hereby deems them a vegetable and approves of their consumption.
“I will not eat meat,” said Katy S. from Oregon City, Oregon, holding her nose in disgust. “But I love eating frog, because that’s not meat.” Asked to explain, she said, “Frogs are vegetables. They’re green, which is great for the environment, and they taste yummy, way better than soy.” She crossed her arms and declared, “Eating frog is a win/win for everybody.”
Vegan dietary choices
As veganism has gained popularity, vegan dietary alternatives have multiplied as well. “When I first gave up meat, I was told I could only eat broccoli and carrots,” said Chloe K. from Stevenson Ranch, California. “Day and night, that’s all I ate, until they were coming out of my ears.” She smiled, adding, “But now we’ve got Beyond Burgers, boiled vegan dogs, Tofurky, and finally, frogs. It’s about time they came up with a vegetable filled with protein.”
Fortunately, delicious frog dishes are plentiful. “Frog legs is the one everyone knows,” said Juanita Cafe chef Holly Smith, opening her cookbook How to Cook Forty Frogs. “But there’s also frog arms, head, butt, back, and loin.” Turning the page, she added, “I make a fantastic garlic frog purée.”
Population control
Frogs have existed since the late Jurassic period and number in the millions worldwide, with almost 5,000 recorded species to date. “That’s plenty of food for everybody,” confirmed Jonathan A. Campbell, University of Texas herpetologist. “Sure, worldwide numbers may be in decline, but that’s like saying the spider population is diminishing.” He shrugged his shoulders and added, “Who cares?”
Campbell cocked an eyebrow. “Before you ask,” he interjected, “A herpetologist does not study herpes.”
Frog explosion
Twitter is replete with examples of how frogs have permeated vegan culture.
Soooooo….not vegan? Or…. https://t.co/ZtB32TVVxC
— Dana Delikat (@DanaDelikat) August 19, 2019
Enjoy Vegan Frog Fanta pic.twitter.com/kbHckCdXw1
— Fun Fearless Fake Fanta (@fakefantas) August 19, 2019
"Are vegans cannibalizing frogs due to their overabuse of skeletons?". Read the full article.
— Fresh Hot Takes (@AutoHotTakes) August 11, 2019
“There are frogs everywhere,” pointed out Chloe K. “I think that’s God’s way of telling us to eat them straight from our yards.” She wrinkled her nose. “Now that they have been classified as vegetables, it’s okay. You wouldn’t hesitate to eat apples from a tree, would you? It’s the exact same thing.”
Katy S. agreed. “I wouldn’t touch eggs with a ten-foot pole, but frogs are different.” She nodded affirmatively and recited a comforting line from memory. “As mom always said, eat your vegetables.”
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