Donald Trump may be deeply unpopular, but his name is all the rage these days.
According to 100,000+ Baby Names author Bruce Lansky, thousands of babies have been named after the president since his inauguration in 2017. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg: in 2020, Lansky predicts that fully one-quarter of all babies born will be named ‘Trump’ — nearly one million strong.
“It’s something I’ve never seen in over thirty years of writing baby books,” marveled Lansky. “We have a president on the road to impeachment and yet one in four couples will name their baby ‘Trump’ in 2020.” He shook his head, adding, “To paraphrase Ralph Wiggum, that’s unpossible.”
The Trump baby blimp
Lansky theorized that a confluence of factors is creating the surge in popularity of ‘Trump’ as a baby name. “For starters, it’s a strong name,” he asserted. “One syllable, rhymes with ‘dump’, a word that means both feces and garbage. Middle-class Americans detest elitist names like ‘Rhett’ and ‘Whitaker’, favoring down-to-earth choices.” He raised his index finger. “Give me one name that connotes dirty shit better than ‘Trump’.”
Secondly, Lansky pointed to the Trump baby blimp. “We know that young Americans don’t read,” he said. “Millennials choose Instagram and Snapchat over Facebook so they don’t have to read. As such, the sight of the Trump baby blimp is deeply influential. They watch it drift over a crowd in YouTube videos and think hey, if I name my baby ‘Trump’, perhaps he will lead an angry mob someday.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe even the country.”
Lastly, it’s a name that doesn’t require any imagination whatsoever. “Watch younger Americans in any public setting, and note that all of them have their noses buried in their smartphones,” he said. “They’re too busy watching clown porn or cat videos to think. As such, ‘Trump’ is a perfectly random, thoughtless choice.”
A popular girl’s name
Trends indicate that ‘Trump’ is gaining popularity as a girl’s name. “Since 2017, 56% of babies named ‘Trump’ were girls,” he indicated. “We’re expecting that to rise to 75% within the next ten years.”
Asked why so many baby girls will be named after a misogynist president, Lansky shook his head. “There are two factors in play,” he said. “One, it’s a protest name, much like Moon Unit Zappa was in the 1960’s. Often people name their children after something they detest so that they don’t ever forget the object of their hatred.” He paused, adding, “It’s healthy parenting.”
Furthermore, the name gives parents plenty to work with in terms of differentiation from the countless other children being born with the same name. “Trumpet, Trumpetlike, Trumpeting, Trumpery, Trumperies, just to name a few,” he offered. “But the bottom line is this: if current trends hold, in about 50 years, the majority of Americans will be named, one way or the other, after the 45th president of the United States.
TRUMPETTE AT https://t.co/z4CYtojJJg YEP NAMED AFTER @realDonaldTrump I TRY TO PICK TIMELY NAMES pic.twitter.com/RrK8oBjjEt
— ficoshutdown20 (@ficoshutdown181) November 17, 2016
YOU NAMED YOUR CAT TRUMPET ICANNNNT
— Name cannot be blank (@_im_just_E_) September 30, 2019
He paused, cocking an eyebrow. “Sadly, that’s not unpossible.”
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