‘The Walking Dead’ to Include ‘Tasteful’ Zombie Sex in Future Episodes

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With viewership approaching half its former level, The Walking Dead is clearly in need of a shake-up. According to insiders, that’s exactly what will happen, as the venerable AMC series is about to make major changes. Starting with the second half of season ten, the show will add zombie sex to its storylines.

“It’s time,” said The Walking Dead creator/executive producer Robert Kirkman. “We’ve had straight, gay and biracial couples get busy in past seasons.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Is it that much of a stretch to show a couple of horny zombies getting it on?

Zombie love

The series creator revealed that the first sex scene will follow a fight over a bird carcass. “A blonde zombie chick in a bikini and an undead dude in a hard hat will scrap over the bird,” he explained. “Eventually, the tug o’ war will turn into heavy petting, and before you know it — they kiss.” He fanned his face with his hand, blushing slightly. “Since the FCC doesn’t publish obscenity standards governing zombies, we can push the envelope a bit, and we will. Without giving away too much, the bikini top will come off, revealing a nice, juicy pair of rotting tatas.”

Kirkman vowed that the show will not flinch when it comes to integrating zombie sex into story arcs. “As a society, we’ve got to get away from this parochial notion that sex is dirty,” he said. “If two muddy, desiccated zombies choose to engage in some good ol’ fashioned, bend-her-over-the-railing humping, who are we to judge?”

He acknowledged that the snapping teeth and insatiable hunger of the walking dead could present a challenge, but said the writers were coming up with options. “Let’s just say that a walker hissing ‘eat this’ to his partner during a pants-less moment will make for some really interesting choices.”

Marriage and family

zombie
Zombie sex and marriage will feature prominently in future seasons of The Walking Dead. Credit: Peter Kudlacz [CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]
Going forward, fans can expect to see “one or two” tasteful zombie sex scenes per episode. “They’ll have to be quick,” he explained. “We’d stretch credulity if the the male zombie actually cared whether or not the female zombie achieved a PG-13 orgasm. Kirkman frowned, shaking his head. “If men won’t do that while alive, they sure as hell won’t as a walker.”

The executive producer added that zombie sex organs will function normally, which will eventually lead to zombie babies. “Why not?” he asked rhetorically. “Walking dead evolution won’t be possible if the critters slowly decay into oblivion. Instead, we’ll have them get married, have babies, raise families, the whole nine yard.” Kirkman smiled, adding, “Of course, they’re still zombies. They’ll eat their young, attack each other, and gobble down practically everything in sight — including themselves.” He chuckled to himself. “In season 12, one episode will feature a zombie yoga instructor meticulously twisting himself into an undead pretzel before consuming everything his teeth can reach.” Winking, he added, “That gives the phrase ‘eat me’ a whole new meaning!”

Pointed reactions

Asked to comment about Kirkman’s disclosure, long-time cast members had strong reactions. “What the hell …” muttered Norman Reedus, “Are you freaking kidding me?” replied Melissa McBride. “I quit,” said Danai Gurira.

Likewise, Twitter didn’t hold back either.

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