On Sunday, Treasury Secretary Mnuchin told Fox News Sunday that effective immediately, Space Force will begin evacuating millions of Trump voters to Wyoming.
“We must prepare for the possibility that the battle with COVID-19 could last into the next election cycle,” said Mnuchin. “In that unlikely event, the president believes the best way to preserve the integrity of the election is to relocate patriotic Americans to the safest area of the country.” He squinted blindly, pushing his glasses up his nose. “After our task force studied this issue carefully, we believe that to be the state of Wyoming.”
Wyoming: a ‘beautiful shithole’
Mnuchin began listing the factors which make Wyoming the ideal relocation spot for President Trump’s 60 million voters. “At about 100,000 square miles, It’s the ninth largest state in the nation,” he pointed out. “And there’s hardly anyone living there right now.” He offered an awkward smirk. “If Japan can be home to 125 million foreigners, Wyoming should be able to handle 60 million red-blooded Americans.”
Having remained backstage initially, Trump pushed forward, shoving Mnuchin aside. “It’s a beautiful shithole,” he proclaimed to a surprised Chris Wallace, grabbing the microphone. “A beautiful, incredible shithole. Look at the photos!” The president pointed to aerial pictures showing desolate nothingness. “It’s perfect, just like the transcript was perfect.”
Other factors
Upon taking back the microphone, Mnuchin continued. “Thank you, Mr. President. Another major advantage is that it has the smallest number of coronavirus cases in the country. Wyoming is clearly the safest place to be right now.”
Uncharacteristically silent to this point, Wallace found his voice. “Mr. Secretary, isn’t the reason Wyoming has so few cases is because it’s so sparsely populated?”
Mnuchin cleared his throat. “We don’t believe that to be the case,” he replied. “We feel it … ”
The president cut off Mnuchin again by rushing to the foreground and shouldering him away. “You’re a terrible reporter,” Trump fumed. “I think it’s a very nasty question, and it shows you’re an anti-Wyomingite.” He furrowed his brow, repeating himself. “You’re an anti-Wyomingite, that I can tell you!”
…..So, what the hell has happened to @FoxNews. Only I know! Chris Wallace and others should be on Fake News CNN or MSDNC. How’s Shep Smith doing? Watch, this will be the beginning of the end for Fox, just like the other two which are dying in the ratings. Social Media is great!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 28, 2020
The election
A shaken Mnuchin dusted himself off and continued his talking points. “Chris, this isn’t about partisan politics, it’s about preserving the integrity of the 2020 election,” he explained. “Space Force will definitely be put to the test, but by relocating the president’s voters, we’ll save lives. Furthermore, this action will ensure Republicans will be able to pull the lever for the president on November 3rd.”
Wallace raised his eyebrows. “But what about the Democrats?” he asked. “What if some of them want the so-called Space Force to relocate them to safer areas of the country?”
Mnuchin grimaced uncomfortably. “We are absolutely not profiling anyone here, it’s just that … ”
Trump body-slammed the secretary to the ground. “It’s a Democrat hoax!” he spat, spittle flying from his mouth. “Don’t be a cutie pie. The do-nothing Democrats hate our country and they hate America. They haven’t been nice to me, not nice at all, that I can tell you.”
Heading to Europe to represent our Country and fight hard for the American People while the Do Nothing Democrats purposely scheduled an Impeachment Hoax hearing on the same date as NATO. Not nice! pic.twitter.com/LCXYhoOWF6
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 2, 2019
Space Force
After a commercial break and first aid treatment, Mnuchin resumed the interview by indicating Space Force was specifically chosen to test its capabilities. “If the coronavirus ultimately renders the United States uninhabitable, we’ll need a Plan B,” he said. “And that would be to evacuate all remaining Republicans to what we’re tentatively calling ‘Earth 2’ — Mars.” Seeing the surprised look on Wallace’s face, he added, “Hey, at least it’s not Uranus.”
Wincing, Mnuchin glanced furtively over his shoulder, expecting to be violated by Trump yet again. Instead, the president had already climbed aboard Marine One, en route to choppering his way through the local Arby’s drive-thru window.
Like us on Facebook for humorous memes, videos and — of course — satire!
