Month: September 2020

New York Times: Trump’s Staggering Tax Losses ‘Mostly Cheeseburgers’

In a bombshell report by The New York Times, Donald Trump was exposed as a deeply flawed businessman whose tax returns show he perpetually hemorrhages money. Over the next few weeks, the Times will publish further articles explaining the reason why: a crushing addiction to cheeseburgers. “Donald Trump doesn’t drink or smoke, but man alive, he sure […]

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After Supreme Court Flip-Flop, Lindsey Graham’s Balls Pass Away

Hours after performing a monumental flip-flop over the nomination of a new Supreme Court justice, Lindsey Graham’s testicles have reportedly passed away. “We are saddened over the tragic passage of our brother’s balls,” announced sister Darline Graham Nordone. “While never exactly a profile in courage, we had hoped Lindsey’s testicles might survive the Trump era. […]

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Former Trump Pseudonyms to Publish ‘October Surprise’ Tell-All Book

In what promises to shake the presidential race to its foundation, three former Donald Trump pseudonyms will soon release a no-holds-barred book about the president. “It’s going to be a beautiful thing, maybe the greatest book written since the Bible,” offered pseudonym David Barron.  “The three of us have worked together for decades and know […]

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Trump Administration to Rename Electoral College ‘Trump University’

With polls showing Donald Trump losing to Joe Biden both nationally and in key swing states, the president is clearly desperate to change voter perceptions. According to Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, that can be accomplished by the stroke of a presidential pen. Wednesday afternoon, paperwork was filed to officially rename the Electoral College ‘Trump University’. […]

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