Month: October 2020

If Re-Elected, Trump Promises to Govern From White House Bunker

During Thursday’s presidential debate, Donald Trump and Joe Biden traded blows over a contentious ninety minutes. Arguably the most controversial moment came after Biden hammered Trump about his frequent trips to Mar-a-Lago, the president’s self-proclaimed ‘Southern White House’. On his heels from the forcefulness of Biden’s attack, Trump blurted out a series of two-word invectives, […]

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Trump Threatens to Lose Election if People Don’t Start Liking Him

After beseeching suburban women to like him, Donald Trump went a step further on Sunday, threatening to lose the election if more people don’t follow suit. “I’ll do it,” vowed the president to thousands of rallygoers in Muskegon, Michigan. “I’ll lose this damn election right now if millions of people all across this shithole country […]

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Covid-19 Jumps Species, Infects Trump Adviser Stephen Miller

Underscoring the challenges scientists face in developing a vaccine against Covid-19, the virus has reportedly jumped species again, this time infecting White House policy adviser Stephen Miller. It's jumped species. https://t.co/QDbvsZ4xOr — The Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln) October 6, 2020 “As I’ve been saying for many months, this virus is remarkably resilient,” said a visibly frustrated Anthony […]

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Vice President Pence Denies That He’s a Big Piece of Crap

During Wednesday’s vice presidential debate, Mike Pence was consistently long on rhetoric and short on facts. The most noteworthy moment of the evening, however, saw Mother Nature weigh in by landing a fly on Pence’s snow-white hair. The vice presidential debate proved that Mike Pence is full of crap – https://t.co/1mfRyVFjbd pic.twitter.com/cbwGLy3GNd — Queerty (@Queerty) […]

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Adopting Biden’s Upbeat Tack, Network News ‘Positive’ Trump Is a Clown

Mirroring Joe Biden’s temporary cessation of Trump attack ads, multiple news outlets vowed to cast the president in a positive light during his Covid-19 affliction. In a rare display of unanimity, major news networks joined together to proclaim they are ‘positive’ Trump is a clown. “Oh, I’m absolutely positive he’s a clown,” snapped NBC Nightly […]

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