After a groundbreaking interview with President Donald Trump earlier this year, The Lucky Rock traveled with the president during his round of golf with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. As the president heaped praise upon himself and railed against his opponents, we donned a Montgomery Burns mask and posed as Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. We then […]
Read More The Lucky Rock’s Transcript of the Trump-Abe Golf OutingHBO’s acclaimed Game of Thrones may have ended in controversy, but according to eagle-eyed observers, the careless gaffes of the final season were merely the tip of the iceberg. Hiding in plain sight, the franchise suffered from blatant, uncorrected typos that remained throughout the entire run of the series. “There were a million spelling errors”, […]
Read More George R.R. Martin Blames ‘Wine and Whores’ for Game of Thrones TyposStep one: obtain an NHL franchise. Step two: select an exciting name to energize fans, sell merchandise and begin the marketing process. After years of frustrating area politics, the Seattle Sneeze have made impressive progress toward being ready for the 2021-22 NHL campaign. The one purported certainty — the remodel of Key Arena — has […]
Read More Seattle Sneeze to Play in Alka-Seltzer Plus Night Cold Formula ParkAfter passing the nation’s most extreme anti-abortion law, the Alabama legislature doubled down on Wednesday, outlawing ‘fun’ sex. Per the new law, the release of spermatozoa without the intent to conceive will be a Class C felony, punishable by five years in prison. The bill was signed into law by Governor Kay Ivey and went […]
Read More Alabama State Legislature Passes Measure Protecting the UnejaculatedLast week, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration hosted a symposium to discuss upcoming planned space missions. Just after lunch, the event was repeatedly interrupted by what one witness termed “juvenile” behavior exhibited by Administrator Jim Bridenstine. According to multiple sources, Bridenstine giggled, made fart noises, and yelled inappropriate comments whenever Dr. Shahid Aslam uttered the […]
Read More NASA Chief Makes Ass of Himself During Uranus PresentationShortly after the entrance of Joe Biden into the 2020 presidential race, President Trump wasted no time welcoming him into the fray: Welcome to the race Sleepy Joe. I only hope you have the intelligence, long in doubt, to wage a successful primary campaign. It will be nasty – you will be dealing with people […]
Read More Trump Mocks ‘Stupidhead Joe’ Biden at Campaign RallyChattanooga police officers rushed to the scene after multiple 911 calls reported a dog urinating on school grounds, the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported on Monday. “We were in lockdown for over an hour,” said Jacob Johnson, an 11th grader at Chattanooga High School. “It was really scary. We clasped hands and just prayed for a […]
Read More Dog Arrested for Public Urination on School GroundsOn Saturday, a fiery President Trump spoke at a rally in Birmingham, Alabama, basking in the glow of a cheering crowd. “No collusion, no obstruction!” Trump bellowed as the audience roared their approval. “The crazy Mueller report was a witch hunt, folks. An illegal witch hunt started by Hillary Clinton, Jeff Sessions, Mitt Romney, John […]
Read More Trump Maintains He Said ‘I’m Glucked’ in Incendiary Mueller Report QuoteIf the authors of an article published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society turn out to be correct, George H.W. Bush’s signature “thousand points of light” slogan from 1989 was only about nine zeroes off the mark. Except it’s not stars we’re talking about — it’s exoplanets. The solar system Until the 17th […]
Read More Exoplanets: A Quadrillion Points of LightIn a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]
Read More Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ Report
