We all make predictions that don’t come true. You stick your head out the window, note the cloud cover, and loudly announce it’s going to rain. A couple of hours later, the sun burns through, and voilà — it’s a sunny day. You’re not alone. Former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan erroneously postulated in 2009 that […]
Read More I’m the Only Man in America Who Predicted the Mariners Would Be GoodThe kindest thing that can be said about the demonic Pillsbury Doughboy is that he’s shown remarkable staying power. Created by the Leo Burnett Worldwide advertising agency in 1965, the Pillsbury Doughboy remains virtually unchanged up to this day. In fact, the only major difference is his evolution from uttering post-poke giggles to a mocking […]
Read More 5 Good Reasons to Absolutely Hate the Pillsbury DoughboyIn the wake of the federal budget battle of 2012, the U.S. Geological Survey commissioned an extensive search for the so-called “fiscal cliff”. After a six-year, $10 million effort, the agency formally ended the quest, officially acknowledging it found no evidence of the existence of the geological formation. The fiscal cliff isn’t real “No way […]
Read More U.S. Geological Survey Terminates Search for Fiscal CliffAccompanying Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders on his nursing home rally tour, The Lucky Rock sat down with the Democratic Socialist to talk about a wide range of issues. Topics covered included his 2020 campaign strategy, his fitness for office, fellow presidential candidates, and income inequality. Noteworthy during the exclusive one-on-one conversation was the fact that […]
Read More The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with Senator Bernie SandersPresident Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]
Read More Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark FacebookCan the yield curve predict the future of the economy? The short answer to the title question is yes. The long answer ends with a resounding maybe. If economics were simple, Ben Stein wouldn’t be a nerd’s paragon of mathematical virtue, a former game show host and this guy: The yield curve is a representation of interest […]
Read More Interest Rates and the Economy: Real Yields Have CurvesWhen Seattle’s new NHL team hits the ice in 2021, it will have perhaps the most unusual name in professional sports. In lieu of rumored favorites like Totems, Emeralds, Rainiers, Sockeyes, or Kraken, the franchise will go an entirely different direction. “We’re picking a name that we feel represents the region — warts and all,” […]
Read More Seattle’s New NHL Team to Be Named ‘Sneeze’On Tuesday, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders announced he was entering the race for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. A day later, Sanders revealed his campaign strategy, one that will take a sharp turn from his failed 2016 approach. Instead of concentrating on college students and penniless left-wing activists, Sanders will target a new demographic: the […]
Read More Bernie Sanders Enters Presidential Race, Mulls Betty White as VPAfter learning that Taco Bell closed sixteen locations in four states, President Trump acted swiftly, declaring his second national emergency in three days. The president further disclosed that thousands of troops were on the ground in Texas, Missouri, Oklahoma and Kansas to restore order. The new national emergency “It’s a disgrace,” said Trump to a […]
Read More Taco Bell Closes 16 Locations; Trump Declares National EmergencyGood news: instead of saving Andy Dufresne, Red Redding will save your soul. In an interview with U.S. Catholic, director Frank Darabont confirmed that The Shawshank Redemption will be rebooted as late-night religious programming. “After a quarter century, it’s about time we did something new with the franchise,” he said. “Initially, we thought about doing a sequel, but […]
Read More ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ to Reboot as Late-Night Religious Programming
