Category: Science and Nature

The Antlion: Doodlebug, Doodlebug, Come out of Your Hole

Doodlebug, doodlebug, Come out of your hole Your house is on fire, And your children will burn. Imagine a predator with a plump abdomen, large jaws and a yuge appetite. Donald Trump? Too obvious. In this case, the honor goes to nature’s real-life Star Wars representation: the antlion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAnkFVaKnec Doodlebug, doodlebug The antlion is a fascinating […]

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God Appears as a Giant Smokestack to Vent About Climate Change

Over the weekend, Almighty God materialized as a giant smokestack to vent about America’s inability to confront the challenges of climate change. A placid Trussville, Alabama Taco Bell was in the middle of the lunch rush when a thunderous ripping sound pierced the air. As staff and patrons screamed, a huge smokestack emerged from the […]

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New Evidence Proves Humans Evolved from Horses

In a sharp rebuke of Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, new research indicates that humans evolved from horses. “Without a doubt,” confirmed Arizona State University paleoanthropologist Gary Schwartz, to a group of reporters. “The data is in, and it’s conclusive: Homo sapiens evolved from Equus caballus.” He smiled and said, “For those of […]

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State of Emergency Declared in Alabama after 800-Mile Miss by Dorian

Hours after Hurricane Dorian churned within 800 miles of Alabama, President Trump declared a state of emergency and activated the National Guard to restore order. “Alabama is a total disaster,” said the president during an Oval Office presentation. “People are saying trailer parks are everywhere and weeds are growing out of the sidewalks.” He set […]

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5 Universal Principles Totally Busted By Hollywood

Hurtling through the galaxy at impossible speeds is a staple of space adventure tales. From Star Trek to Winnie the Pooh Gets Lost in Space, idiots have traversed the galaxy for decades, breaking all sorts of principles while doing so. The single cloud following Tigger around in The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh: Cloud, Cloud, […]

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Hurricane Cap’n Crunch? Weather Service to Sell Storm Sponsorships

Coming to your local weather report: Hurricane Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch? Over the weekend, the National Weather Service announced the retirement of its existing hurricane nomenclature system. Starting next year, a pilot program will allow storms to be sponsored by product advertisers. Although details are yet to be finalized, businesses will acquire sponsorships through a […]

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NASA Chief Makes Ass of Himself During Uranus Presentation

Last week, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration hosted a symposium to discuss upcoming planned space missions. Just after lunch, the event was repeatedly interrupted by what one witness termed “juvenile” behavior exhibited by Administrator Jim Bridenstine. According to multiple sources, Bridenstine giggled, made fart noises, and yelled inappropriate comments whenever Dr. Shahid Aslam uttered the […]

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Exoplanets: A Quadrillion Points of Light

If the authors of an article published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society turn out to be correct, George H.W. Bush’s signature “thousand points of light” slogan from 1989 was only about nine zeroes off the mark. Except it’s not stars we’re talking about — it’s exoplanets. The solar system Until the 17th […]

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