Get off my plane! Fed up with the reality show presidency of Donald Trump, legendary actor Harrison Ford has had enough. Citing his experience playing President James Marshall in Air Force One, the Hollywood star has declared his candidacy for president. “I can no longer stand idly by and watch this totally unqualified con artist […]
Read More Touting ‘Air Force One’ Credentials, Harrison Ford to Run for PresidentThe Houston Astros and Washington Nationals issued a joint statement Wednesday evening, apologizing for being the two most boring teams ever to meet in the World Series. “We’re dull,” admitted Astros manager A.J. Hinch. He jerked his thumb toward the other dugout. “Those Nationals assholes are, too. Match us up and you’ve got one crappy […]
Read More Astros, Nationals Apologize for Crappy World Series MatchupDuring the third Democratic debate, the candidates sparred over health care, gun control, foreign policy and numerous other topics. While the tone ranged from collegial to caustic, the big news came in the last half hour when Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders cast serious doubt upon his own candidacy. The mic drop debate moment The stunning […]
Read More Sen. Sanders Stuns Debate Moderators: ‘You’re Throwing Your Vote Away’On Saturday, President Trump sat down with CNN’s Anderson Cooper to discuss his incendiary comments about Ilhan Omar, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Rashida Tlaib and Ayanna Pressley. Predictably, the president veered off-topic and hijacked the interview, unveiling new nicknames for every remaining presidential candidate. “I’m not going to speak badly about those four man-hating foreigners,” said Trump. […]
Read More Trump Reveals Nicknames for Every Democratic Presidential CandidateNight two of the Democratic debates started cordially, but deteriorated quickly as the candidates began shouting insults at one another. Ultimately, they handed the GOP a political gift by snarkily giving each other Trump-style nicknames. “I have to say, it was beyond surreal,” said NBC Nightly News anchor Lester Holt. “The spell President Trump has […]
Read More Dem Debate, Night 2: Candidates Give Each Other Trump-Like NicknamesAfter passing the nation’s most extreme anti-abortion law, the Alabama legislature doubled down on Wednesday, outlawing ‘fun’ sex. Per the new law, the release of spermatozoa without the intent to conceive will be a Class C felony, punishable by five years in prison. The bill was signed into law by Governor Kay Ivey and went […]
Read More Alabama State Legislature Passes Measure Protecting the UnejaculatedAccompanying Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders on his nursing home rally tour, The Lucky Rock sat down with the Democratic Socialist to talk about a wide range of issues. Topics covered included his 2020 campaign strategy, his fitness for office, fellow presidential candidates, and income inequality. Noteworthy during the exclusive one-on-one conversation was the fact that […]
Read More The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with Senator Bernie SandersPresident Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]
Read More Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark FacebookOn Tuesday, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders announced he was entering the race for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. A day later, Sanders revealed his campaign strategy, one that will take a sharp turn from his failed 2016 approach. Instead of concentrating on college students and penniless left-wing activists, Sanders will target a new demographic: the […]
Read More Bernie Sanders Enters Presidential Race, Mulls Betty White as VPTraveling to El Paso, Texas for a campaign rally, President Trump granted an interview with The Lucky Rock on a wide range of subjects, including his recent physical, the growing list of 2020 Democratic challengers, climate change, the standoff over the border wall and the Russia investigation. Noteworthy in the exclusive one-on-one interview was Trump’s growing irritation […]
Read More The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with President Trump
