Tag: Chuck Schumer

Mississippi Legislature Votes to Shorten State Name to Mipipi

On Thursday, the Mississippi legislature overwhelmingly passed a resolution shortening the state’s name to Mipipi. In the text of the resolution, the new name was sounded out phonetically: My-pee-pee. Steve Spurrier would’ve come out after that game and said, “Can’t spell Mississippi without PEE PEE.” — Kyle Tucker (@KyleTucker_ATH) November 29, 2019 “It’s time, y’all,” […]

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President Trump Insists ‘Imcheapment’ Is a Congressional Fiscal Award

At a campaign rally following his historic impeachment, President Trump flipped the script on his Democratic foes, claiming he had actually won a prestigious award. “I’ve been imcheaped!” bellowed the president to an adoring crowd of over 5,400 fans at the Kellogg Arena in Battle Creek, Michigan. “Can you believe that? People are saying I’m […]

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Hurricane Cap’n Crunch? Weather Service to Sell Storm Sponsorships

Coming to your local weather report: Hurricane Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch? Over the weekend, the National Weather Service announced the retirement of its existing hurricane nomenclature system. Starting next year, a pilot program will allow storms to be sponsored by product advertisers. Although details are yet to be finalized, businesses will acquire sponsorships through a […]

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WH Sources: Trump Concerned Dems May Be Wrong About Border Wall

According to three anonymous sources, President Trump is concerned that Democrats may be wrong about his promised border wall. The wall: a waste of money? “The president firmly believes Democrat resistance over his wall might be misguided,” said Kellyanne Conway the first source. “After watching Chris Matthews, Rachael Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC every […]

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Shutdown Update: Dems, GOP ‘Make Hay’ with Wall

After a second straight day of negotiations between the White House and Democratic staffers, both sides expressed optimism that a deal to resolve the showdown over President Trump’s promised border wall was close. “I think we’re almost there,” said Acting White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney to a cadre of reporters. “The president insists […]

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Trump Accuses Democratic Leadership of Racism Against Poles

President Trump made headlines over the past few days after venturing to Iraq to visit U.S. troops and potentially endangering Seal Team 5 in the process. Following his return, Trump’s erratic behavior continued to heat up. Shortly after his visit to Al-Asad Air Base, Donald Trump leveled blistering charges of alleged racism displayed by Chuck […]

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