Tag: Eric Trump

New York Times: Trump’s Staggering Tax Losses ‘Mostly Cheeseburgers’

In a bombshell report by The New York Times, Donald Trump was exposed as a deeply flawed businessman whose tax returns show he perpetually hemorrhages money. Over the next few weeks, the Times will publish further articles explaining the reason why: a crushing addiction to cheeseburgers. “Donald Trump doesn’t drink or smoke, but man alive, he sure […]

Read More New York Times: Trump’s Staggering Tax Losses ‘Mostly Cheeseburgers’

RNC to Conclude With ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Musical’

The Republican National Convention began the week playing the dark tones of the ‘radical left’ allegedly destroying America. Happily, it will end with optimistic tunes: a four-hour musical featuring a singing and dancing Donald J. Trump. “Nobody knows showmanship better than Donald Trump,” marveled RNC Chairperson Ronna McDaniel. “In a normal convention, we’d schedule godawful […]

Read More RNC to Conclude With ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Musical’

Trump Sons to Star in Live-Action ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’ Movie

Anticipating their father’s impending defeat in November, the elder Trump sons are ready for life after grift. According to Hollywood insiders, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. will star in a live-action remake of the iconic Beavis and Butt-Head cartoon. “The deal is done,” announced Universal Pictures president Jimmy Horowitz, lighting a celebratory cigar. “Those wacky, […]

Read More Trump Sons to Star in Live-Action ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’ Movie

Eric and Don Jr. Argue Over Which Trump Son Is Dumber

Over the weekend, the longstanding debate over which of Donald Trump’s adult sons is stupider reached a fever pitch. Appearing on Fox News Sunday, Eric Trump claimed he drew the short straw with respect to brotherly intelligence. “Yeah, I’m way dumber, dude,” said Eric with a trace of pride. “I mean, it’s not like my brother […]

Read More Eric and Don Jr. Argue Over Which Trump Son Is Dumber