Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Donald Trump took decisive action on Thursday by filing a lawsuit in federal court against his presidential campaign. “They were a total disaster,” proclaimed the president in a hastily-arranged press conference at the White House. “Stupid Stepien, Masturbating Max Miller, Jeff DeWitless, Lara Trumpster fire, SmellyAnne Con Job, and […]
Read More President Trump Files Lawsuit Against His Own CampaignDuring a scheduled campaign stop, Almighty God materialized as Mike Pence to lecture schoolchildren about law and order and presidential hypocrisy. God appears Prior to his RNC speech, Vice President Pence stopped at an elementary school in Madison, Wisconsin to lecture second graders about the dangers of having fun. Shortly after climbing the stage, massive […]
Read More God Appears as a Wet Blanket to Lecture About Law and OrderOver the weekend, Almighty God materialized as a giant smokestack to vent about America’s inability to confront the challenges of climate change. A placid Trussville, Alabama Taco Bell was in the middle of the lunch rush when a thunderous ripping sound pierced the air. As staff and patrons screamed, a huge smokestack emerged from the […]
Read More God Appears as a Giant Smokestack to Vent About Climate ChangeFrustrated over America’s interminable political infighting, God took matters into His own paws on Sunday. According to dozens of witnesses, the Lord appeared as a glowing, tick-infested cat in a Seattle neighborhood church to talk about health care. “It was a real-life miracle,” raved event organizer Scott Lewis. “Our band had finished playing and we were […]
Read More God Appears as Tick-Infested Cat to Lecture Americans About Health CareA visibly annoyed Almighty God criticized the tiresome political calls for ‘thoughts and prayers’ as an inadequate reaction to the latest mass shootings in America. ….Melania and I send our heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the great people of Texas. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019 The entire nation is horrified by today's […]
Read More God Blasts ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ Shooting Response at Florida Chic-fil-A
