Tag: Harrison Ford

CDC Adds Star Wars Costumes to List of Approved Coronavirus Defenses

Social distancing, hand washing, face coverings … cosplay? In an effort to convince more people to wear masks, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently added Star Wars costumes to the list of approved coronavirus defenses. “While mask wearing has increased substantially nationwide, there are still idiots who just won’t do it,” observed CDC […]

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Touting ‘Air Force One’ Credentials, Harrison Ford to Run for President

Get off my plane! Fed up with the reality show presidency of Donald Trump, legendary actor Harrison Ford has had enough. Citing his experience playing President James Marshall in Air Force One, the Hollywood star has declared his candidacy for president. “I can no longer stand idly by and watch this totally unqualified con artist […]

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102-Year-Old Kirk Douglas to Star in next Five ‘Indiana Jones’ Sequels

In a last-minute surprise, Lucasfilm Ltd. announced it is replacing Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford with 102-year-old Kirk Douglas. According to Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, Douglas has been signed to play the titular character for at least five sequels. “We appreciate everything Harrison has done for us, but let’s face it: the franchise has sucked […]

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