Tag: Hillary Clinton

New York Times: Trump’s Staggering Tax Losses ‘Mostly Cheeseburgers’

In a bombshell report by The New York Times, Donald Trump was exposed as a deeply flawed businessman whose tax returns show he perpetually hemorrhages money. Over the next few weeks, the Times will publish further articles explaining the reason why: a crushing addiction to cheeseburgers. “Donald Trump doesn’t drink or smoke, but man alive, he sure […]

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Trump Sons to Star in Live-Action ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’ Movie

Anticipating their father’s impending defeat in November, the elder Trump sons are ready for life after grift. According to Hollywood insiders, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. will star in a live-action remake of the iconic Beavis and Butt-Head cartoon. “The deal is done,” announced Universal Pictures president Jimmy Horowitz, lighting a celebratory cigar. “Those wacky, […]

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Trump Orders CDC to Use Windex to Stop the Spread of Coronavirus

During a tour of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, President Trump ordered the agency to use Windex to halt the spread of coronavirus in the U.S. Trump talks coronavirus On Friday, the president toured the CDC, meeting with Director Robert Redfield and Associate Director for Laboratory Science and Safety (ADLSS) Dr. Steve Monroe. […]

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Trump Calls for ‘Big, Beautiful Bankruptcy’ to Eliminate the National Debt

During a rambling interview with Sean Hannity last week, President Trump previewed his economic plan for the coming year. While blaming Barack Obama for the worsening national debt, the president vowed he would tackle a problem that he claimed should have been solved years ago. Trump then spent spent twenty minutes talking about chocolate cake, […]

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President Trump’s iPhone Finally Commits Suicide

Despondent after yet another day of Tweeting braggadocio and petty grievances, Donald Trump’s iPhone committed suicide last night, multiple sources reported. Geek Squad “It’s true,” said Washington D.C. Geek Squad technician Sheldon Poindexter. “It was almost lunchtime when the presidential motorcade pulled up to our Best Buy store. “We were all like, man, that’s wack, […]

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God Blasts ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ Shooting Response at Florida Chic-fil-A

A visibly annoyed Almighty God criticized the tiresome political calls for ‘thoughts and prayers’ as an inadequate reaction to the latest mass shootings in America. ….Melania and I send our heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the great people of Texas. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 4, 2019 The entire nation is horrified by today's […]

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Stephanopoulos Interview: Trump Claims Uranus Is Part of the Moon

ABC’s explosive President Trump: 30 Hours exclusive made worldwide headlines when the president admitted he’d welcome information from a foreign government on a political opponent. Due to time constraints, what didn’t make the cut was George Stephanopoulos grilling Trump on his claim that the Moon is a part of Mars: For all of the money […]

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Trump Maintains He Said ‘I’m Glucked’ in Incendiary Mueller Report Quote

On Saturday, a fiery President Trump spoke at a rally in Birmingham, Alabama, basking in the glow of a cheering crowd. “No collusion, no obstruction!” Trump bellowed as the audience roared their approval. “The crazy Mueller report was a witch hunt, folks. An illegal witch hunt started by Hillary Clinton, Jeff Sessions, Mitt Romney, John […]

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Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ Report

In a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]

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Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook

President Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]

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