Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Donald Trump took decisive action on Thursday by filing a lawsuit in federal court against his presidential campaign. “They were a total disaster,” proclaimed the president in a hastily-arranged press conference at the White House. “Stupid Stepien, Masturbating Max Miller, Jeff DeWitless, Lara Trumpster fire, SmellyAnne Con Job, and […]
Read More President Trump Files Lawsuit Against His Own CampaignDuring Thursday’s presidential debate, Donald Trump and Joe Biden traded blows over a contentious ninety minutes. Arguably the most controversial moment came after Biden hammered Trump about his frequent trips to Mar-a-Lago, the president’s self-proclaimed ‘Southern White House’. On his heels from the forcefulness of Biden’s attack, Trump blurted out a series of two-word invectives, […]
Read More If Re-Elected, Trump Promises to Govern From White House BunkerAfter beseeching suburban women to like him, Donald Trump went a step further on Sunday, threatening to lose the election if more people don’t follow suit. “I’ll do it,” vowed the president to thousands of rallygoers in Muskegon, Michigan. “I’ll lose this damn election right now if millions of people all across this shithole country […]
Read More Trump Threatens to Lose Election if People Don’t Start Liking HimUnderscoring the challenges scientists face in developing a vaccine against Covid-19, the virus has reportedly jumped species again, this time infecting White House policy adviser Stephen Miller. It's jumped species. https://t.co/QDbvsZ4xOr — The Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln) October 6, 2020 “As I’ve been saying for many months, this virus is remarkably resilient,” said a visibly frustrated Anthony […]
Read More Covid-19 Jumps Species, Infects Trump Adviser Stephen MillerMirroring Joe Biden’s temporary cessation of Trump attack ads, multiple news outlets vowed to cast the president in a positive light during his Covid-19 affliction. In a rare display of unanimity, major news networks joined together to proclaim they are ‘positive’ Trump is a clown. “Oh, I’m absolutely positive he’s a clown,” snapped NBC Nightly […]
Read More Adopting Biden’s Upbeat Tack, Network News ‘Positive’ Trump Is a ClownWith polls showing Donald Trump losing to Joe Biden both nationally and in key swing states, the president is clearly desperate to change voter perceptions. According to Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, that can be accomplished by the stroke of a presidential pen. Wednesday afternoon, paperwork was filed to officially rename the Electoral College ‘Trump University’. […]
Read More Trump Administration to Rename Electoral College ‘Trump University’The Republican National Convention began the week playing the dark tones of the ‘radical left’ allegedly destroying America. Happily, it will end with optimistic tunes: a four-hour musical featuring a singing and dancing Donald J. Trump. “Nobody knows showmanship better than Donald Trump,” marveled RNC Chairperson Ronna McDaniel. “In a normal convention, we’d schedule godawful […]
Read More RNC to Conclude With ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Musical’According to a White House source, Kamala Harris will be a ‘total disaster’ as Joe Biden’s vice president. “She’s a complete loser,” said the source, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “She ran a terrible campaign and couldn’t even beat Sleepy Joe, who doesn’t know he’s alive, for the nomination.” The source waved his tiny […]
Read More WH Source: Kamala Harris Will Be a ‘Total Disaster’ as Vice PresidentHaving already suggested delaying the general election, President Trump now has a date in mind: August 2, 2022. With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, […]
Read More Trump Proposes Delaying Election Until ‘Statue of Lamentations’ ExpiresDuring a rambling interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace, President Trump attempted to distance himself from presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden by claiming he, alone, can read Goodnight Moon. The testy exchange began just after the president claimed his administration had defeated the coronavirus and that Americans can go back to living their normal […]
Read More Trump Boasts He Aced ‘Goodnight Moon’ to Fox’s Chris Wallace
