Tag: John Elway

Texas Farmer Ignores Warnings, Looks Gift Horse in the Mouth

Last week, a Chester, Texas dirt farmer learned a hard lesson about ignoring ancient warnings. Don’t do it. “I got me this weird lookin’ horse as an early Christmas present from Uncle Buck,” said subsistence farmer Joe Bucket. “I named her Forrest Jump after that retarded guy in that old flick.” Gently reminded that he […]

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New Evidence Proves Humans Evolved from Horses

In a sharp rebuke of Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, new research indicates that humans evolved from horses. “Without a doubt,” confirmed Arizona State University paleoanthropologist Gary Schwartz, to a group of reporters. “The data is in, and it’s conclusive: Homo sapiens evolved from Equus caballus.” He smiled and said, “For those of […]

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