After beseeching suburban women to like him, Donald Trump went a step further on Sunday, threatening to lose the election if more people don’t follow suit. “I’ll do it,” vowed the president to thousands of rallygoers in Muskegon, Michigan. “I’ll lose this damn election right now if millions of people all across this shithole country […]
Read More Trump Threatens to Lose Election if People Don’t Start Liking HimDuring a rambling interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace, President Trump attempted to distance himself from presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden by claiming he, alone, can read Goodnight Moon. The testy exchange began just after the president claimed his administration had defeated the coronavirus and that Americans can go back to living their normal […]
Read More Trump Boasts He Aced ‘Goodnight Moon’ to Fox’s Chris WallaceDespondent after yet another day of Tweeting braggadocio and petty grievances, Donald Trump’s iPhone committed suicide last night, multiple sources reported. Geek Squad “It’s true,” said Washington D.C. Geek Squad technician Sheldon Poindexter. “It was almost lunchtime when the presidential motorcade pulled up to our Best Buy store. “We were all like, man, that’s wack, […]
Read More President Trump’s iPhone Finally Commits SuicideSeeing his new slogan “BUILD THE WALL AND CRIME WILL FALL!” hilariously mocked on Twitter, President Trump turned to bargaining on the eve of negotiations with Nancy Pelosi over a new Continuing Resolution. BUILD A WALL & CRIME WILL FALL! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 23, 2019 “After a long nap and a gallon […]
Read More Trump Offers New Slogan to Pelosi: “Build the Fence & I’ll Dump Mike Pence”
