Tag: Lindsey Graham

After Supreme Court Flip-Flop, Lindsey Graham’s Balls Pass Away

Hours after performing a monumental flip-flop over the nomination of a new Supreme Court justice, Lindsey Graham’s testicles have reportedly passed away. “We are saddened over the tragic passage of our brother’s balls,” announced sister Darline Graham Nordone. “While never exactly a profile in courage, we had hoped Lindsey’s testicles might survive the Trump era. […]

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President Trump Insists ‘Imcheapment’ Is a Congressional Fiscal Award

At a campaign rally following his historic impeachment, President Trump flipped the script on his Democratic foes, claiming he had actually won a prestigious award. “I’ve been imcheaped!” bellowed the president to an adoring crowd of over 5,400 fans at the Kellogg Arena in Battle Creek, Michigan. “Can you believe that? People are saying I’m […]

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Rudy Giuliani Named People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Crazy SOB Alive’

Shortly after naming John Legend “Sexiest Man Alive”, People Magazine gave Rudy Giuliani its coveted “Sexiest Crazy SOB Alive” designation for 2019. “Mayor Giuliani richly deserves this honor,” lavished Editor-in-Chief Dan Wakeford. “This is the first year we’ve issued this award, and frankly, he’ll probably win it again next year. And the year after that, […]

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Trump Mocks ‘Stupidhead Joe’ Biden at Campaign Rally

Shortly after the entrance of Joe Biden into the 2020 presidential race, President Trump wasted no time welcoming him into the fray: Welcome to the race Sleepy Joe. I only hope you have the intelligence, long in doubt, to wage a successful primary campaign. It will be nasty – you will be dealing with people […]

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Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ Report

In a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]

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