On Thursday, Mars issued a decree barring the United States from all travel to the Red Planet. The ban applies to space probes, the coronavirus and Donald J. Trump. “We don’t want your garbage polluting our dirt,” said Supreme Leader and Imperial Grand Poobah Marvin the Martian. “That includes the space junk you keep sending […]
Read More Mars Issues U.S. Travel Ban and Requests Not to Be Taken to Our LeaderOn Sunday, Treasury Secretary Mnuchin told Fox News Sunday that effective immediately, Space Force will begin evacuating millions of Trump voters to Wyoming. “We must prepare for the possibility that the battle with COVID-19 could last into the next election cycle,” said Mnuchin. “In that unlikely event, the president believes the best way to preserve […]
Read More Mnuchin Says Space Force to Evacuate Millions of Americans to WyomingLaunched from Cape Canaveral in 2011, NASA’s Curiosity rover has explored Mars over the past six years, transmitting large quantities of information back to Earth. Upon sifting through thousands of images and petabytes of data, scientists have reached a stunning conclusion: dirt exists on the Red Planet. “We did it!” exclaimed Dr. Peter Piranha, Chief Engineer for […]
Read More Breaking News: NASA’s Curiosity Rover Discovers Dirt on MarsAfter a seven minute plunge through the Martian atmosphere, NASA’s InSight probe landed successfully on the red planet, beginning an extended study of Mars’ geological and evolutionary processes. Hours after sending a beep to signal that it was in good working condition, the lander transmitted reams of data and images back to Earth, quickly confirming […]
Read More NASA’s InSight Lander Confirms Mars ‘Sucks’
