Tag: Mozambique

The Congo Sends Troops, Witch Doctors to U.S. to Restore Order

Deeming it a matter of national security, the Congo has sent thousands of troops and witch doctors to the United States. The militia took positions in cities across America while witch doctors began treating caronavirus-afflicted patients. “We felt we must act quickly,” explained Congolese president Félix Tshisekedi. “The disease threatens to overwhelm America, which apparently […]

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Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook

President Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]

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Mozambique and Swaziland Battle Over Whose Flag Is Stupider

Simmering tensions erupted into full-blown arguments over the weekend as Mozambique’s President Filipe Nyusi characterized Swaziland’s flag as “stupid”, multiple sources reported. Sporadic bickering and finger-pointing on both sides threatened to escalate as tensions continue to mount. “Un-effing believable,” said Lisa Peterson, the American ambassador to Swaziland, surveying the scene in disbelief. “Why are they arguing […]

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