Tag: Robert Mueller

AG Barr Launches Investigation of Investigation of Russia Investigation

Having launched an investigation into the origins of the Russia probe, William Barr has ordered a new investigation — into that investigation. “We must investigate the investigation of the Russia investigation,” announced the Attorney General in a prepared statement. “As we aren’t certain of its true purpose, I suggest a full review is in order.” Barr […]

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President Trump’s iPhone Finally Commits Suicide

Despondent after yet another day of Tweeting braggadocio and petty grievances, Donald Trump’s iPhone committed suicide last night, multiple sources reported. Geek Squad “It’s true,” said Washington D.C. Geek Squad technician Sheldon Poindexter. “It was almost lunchtime when the presidential motorcade pulled up to our Best Buy store. “We were all like, man, that’s wack, […]

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Trump Maintains He Said ‘I’m Glucked’ in Incendiary Mueller Report Quote

On Saturday, a fiery President Trump spoke at a rally in Birmingham, Alabama, basking in the glow of a cheering crowd. “No collusion, no obstruction!” Trump bellowed as the audience roared their approval. “The crazy Mueller report was a witch hunt, folks. An illegal witch hunt started by Hillary Clinton, Jeff Sessions, Mitt Romney, John […]

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Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ Report

In a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]

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