American Licorice Buys Washington Redskins, Renames Team ‘Red Vines’

Plagued by poor performance and declining attendance, the Washington Redskins have reportedly been sold to American Licorice Company for an undisclosed amount. The team will remain in the nation’s capital and re-brand as the Red Vines. American Licorice spokesperson Susan Shimotsu said the sale will resolve the longstanding controversy over the team’s name. “We knew […]

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NFL Owners Approve Half-Point Scoring Plays for the 2020 Season

On Tuesday, NFL owners approved a new rule designed to combat declining ratings and concerns over player safety. The league will allow half-point scoring opportunities in various game situations, which will doubtlessly substantially alter offensive strategies. After extensive preseason testing, the new rules will be implemented during the 2020 NFL season. “Our fans have spoken,” […]

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Rams to Move to St. Louis During Halftime of Super Bowl LIII Loss

The Los Angeles Rams will move to St. Louis during halftime of their loss to the Patriots in Super Bowl LIII, disclosed team owner Stan Kroenke. “Of course we’re going to lose to New England,” snapped Kroenke after being asked of his team’s chances in the Super Bowl. What kind of question is that?” Turning to his […]

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