Tag: Rudy Giuliani

RNC to Conclude With ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Musical’

The Republican National Convention began the week playing the dark tones of the ‘radical left’ allegedly destroying America. Happily, it will end with optimistic tunes: a four-hour musical featuring a singing and dancing Donald J. Trump. “Nobody knows showmanship better than Donald Trump,” marveled RNC Chairperson Ronna McDaniel. “In a normal convention, we’d schedule godawful […]

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Rudy Giuliani Named People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Crazy SOB Alive’

Shortly after naming John Legend “Sexiest Man Alive”, People Magazine gave Rudy Giuliani its coveted “Sexiest Crazy SOB Alive” designation for 2019. “Mayor Giuliani richly deserves this honor,” lavished Editor-in-Chief Dan Wakeford. “This is the first year we’ve issued this award, and frankly, he’ll probably win it again next year. And the year after that, […]

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Giuliani Tells FBI That Russian Prostitutes Leaked on Trump

As the FBI continues to investigate Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor admitted Russian prostitutes have leaked on the president. “In Russia, they’re everywhere,” observed Giuliani. “You can’t walk the red light district or duck into a brothel without running into one. With Trump, given what he knows, it was inevitable he would eventually be leaked […]

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Trump Fires Back, Orders AG Barr to Impeach ‘Loser’ House Democrats

On Wednesday, President Trump seized the initiative by directing Attorney General Bill Barr to impeach every Democrat in the House of Representatives. “I think it is probably, possibly okay for me to do that,” Trump claimed to a throng of reporters. “Show me where the Constitution says I can’t impeach them.” The president pointed his […]

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Trump Proposes Technology Panel of Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook

President Trump took to the Rose Garden Thursday and announced his plan to combat foreign intervention in American elections. Addressing a coterie of reporters, he proposed assembling a blue ribbon panel of technology leaders, to be chaired by Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross. “We’re going to ask Tim Apple, Bill Microsoft and Mark Facebook to join […]

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Exclusive: Putin Orders Trump to Change His Name

With collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia confirmed, the walls continue to close in on the president. Recognizing the pervasive toxicity of the Trump name, Russian president Vladmir Putin has demanded a quid pro quo in order to provide 2020 assistance, according to multiple insiders. In short, Trump must legally change his name. Speaking anonymously, […]

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Trump Plans Switch to Metric System to End Global Warming

Up is down, black is white. Dogs and cats, living together. The first two years of Donald Trump’s tenure as president have been as disruptive as promised, with more on the way as investigations heat up and windstorms continue to blow. Hedging a repeat of the middle-America strategy that swept him into office in 2016, […]

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