Tag: Vladimir Putin

New York Times: Trump’s Staggering Tax Losses ‘Mostly Cheeseburgers’

In a bombshell report by The New York Times, Donald Trump was exposed as a deeply flawed businessman whose tax returns show he perpetually hemorrhages money. Over the next few weeks, the Times will publish further articles explaining the reason why: a crushing addiction to cheeseburgers. “Donald Trump doesn’t drink or smoke, but man alive, he sure […]

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Trump Sons to Star in Live-Action ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’ Movie

Anticipating their father’s impending defeat in November, the elder Trump sons are ready for life after grift. According to Hollywood insiders, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. will star in a live-action remake of the iconic Beavis and Butt-Head cartoon. “The deal is done,” announced Universal Pictures president Jimmy Horowitz, lighting a celebratory cigar. “Those wacky, […]

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Joe Biden: ‘I Will Slather Myself in Obama if You Make Me Your President’

Day two of the Democratic debates saw a feisty Joe Biden work to overcome his lackluster performance from the previous debate. Not only did mention Barack Obama at every turn, but Biden went a step further by promising to ‘slather’ himself in the former president from this point forward. “Look, I know everyone here would […]

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Trump Administration to Redact Over 99% of the ‘Duller’ Report

In a move certain to enrage Democrats, the Justice Department will redact more than 99% of Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia report, according to multiple sources. “The president calls it the ‘Duller’ report,” said Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway on Meet the Press. “We’ve got copies in every bathroom, in the lunch room, piled up by […]

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I’m the Only Man in America Who Predicted the Mariners Would Be Good

We all make predictions that don’t come true. You stick your head out the window, note the cloud cover, and loudly announce it’s going to rain. A couple of hours later, the sun burns through, and voilà — it’s a sunny day. You’re not alone. Former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan erroneously postulated in 2009 that […]

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The Lucky Rock’s Exclusive Interview with President Trump

Traveling to El Paso, Texas for a campaign rally, President Trump granted an interview with The Lucky Rock on a wide range of subjects, including his recent physical, the growing list of 2020 Democratic challengers, climate change, the standoff over the border wall and the Russia investigation. Noteworthy in the exclusive one-on-one interview was Trump’s growing irritation […]

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